Children

Below are some notes from the material in the app Love While Parenting

Brain chemicals

Cortisol - tension. Okay for enforcing discipline, but bad if it comes from unexpected yelling, teasing, sarcasm
Oxytocin - bonding hormone. Comes from physical contact (adults) and deep bonds (children)
Dopamine - short lived happiness

Labelling feelings limits their power
- Ex. recognizing that anger is not with other cars for being in the way but with your situation of being late relieves tension
- Ex. introducing the term "helicopter parents" limited helicopter parenting since it let people recognize and identify if they were doing it
Mad, bad, sad are just symptoms of deeper emotions
- Usually we have at least 3 deeper emotions at a time
- Ex. anger when a child lies could stem from 1) frustration that the child lies when it has been taught it is wrong, 2) worry that it implies bad parenting
- Ex. sad for failing drivers license could stem from 1) overwhelmed at all the errors, 2) disappointed for not being able to drive tonight, 3) nervous about failing again
- Studies show that naming 3 emotions is a good way to get to the true underlying emotions
- Practice to become good at naming emotions!

Love people for just who they are and tell them. Let them know you love the unchangeable attributes. If they love to debate that could be annoying but you can see it as them being curious or that they don't get pushed around.
- If they won't stop asking say: I love how determined you are but I can't give you that right now. Or in general just say: You are good just the way you are - do you know that?
- You made this a great day for me by being you
Show that you think about them even when they aren't around.
- Text/call or buy stuff for them, do chores etc.